My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
