how can u be prego again
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
