I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
