He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
