Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
