3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
