I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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