Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
