i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So many bounce houses so little time
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
