So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
