haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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