I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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