I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
