I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
