I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
