I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
