Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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