i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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