Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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