Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
