Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
sick fucks of a feather flock together
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
