a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize