Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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