dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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