You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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