so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
