God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
