So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
