I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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