You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
