He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
