oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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