highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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