Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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