cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
