I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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