put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
