The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
