You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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