and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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