how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
