I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
