She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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