dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize