i can't believe i had my finger in that
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
