i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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