If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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