Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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