i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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