the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize