p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
