Duck Duck Cougar?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
