bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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