so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I cannot find my penis.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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