just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
