it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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