I wish I only lived at night.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
