So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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