I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
