You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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