Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
