I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize