I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize