glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
