So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize