He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize