Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
