Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
